The Douchebag Uniform
Tomorrow, I'm going to wear a striped shirt. It's already decided; I've ironed the shirt and it's ready to go. But I have some misgivings about this.
You see, the striped men's dress shirt, especially when worn untucked, casual-style, is basically the douchebag uniform these days. Now, don't get me wrong, not all its wearers are evil. For example, Ben rocks some bold stripes from time to time, and he's basically as decent a human being as there is. I don't think I'm that evil, either.
But when we went to dinner a few weeks ago with Andre and Amber, a bunch of striped shirt guys walked in. Every single one of them was dressed in the striped shirt. And they were basically the biggest bunch of swaggering date rapist frat boy chuckleheads you've ever seen in your life. This kind of soured me on this particular sartorial option.
Now, I know you shouldn't judge someone by something so superficial. But remarkably, whether it's in Tokyo or Taipei or any other place I've been in the past year, the asshole guys have been showing their stripes. Even on the beach at Coney Island last week, there were dudes in khaki shorts that I know were just itching to get back into stripes. And while they'd have balked at the generalization, it still seems a bit to me like the white guys who shave their heads like skinheads and then protest that we didn't read their shoelaces closely enough to interpret their meaning.
To them, I say, "Dude, you were wearing the uniform. The Douchebag Uniform."
Hopefully tomorrow it just looks stylish on me. Wish me luck!
Comments
I'm defintely don't like the NY Yankees, and they've got the pinstripes going for them.
Make that "I defintely don't like the NY Yankees"
These same douchebags bring their cars in to us every morning. And your right, every one of those fuckers is wearing a striped shirt!
this post begs for a photo of you in that crisply ironed stripped shirt. you could even title it "douchbag?"
You ironed your own shirt?
That's class. Real class. Might even exempt you from the eternal frontispiece of douchebagdom.
[nice]
Ya, striped shirts seems to have replaced powder blue button down shirt and pleated khakis. But I think it has to do with a) the shirt, b) how it's worn, and c) the douchebag wearing it. Maybe it just comes down to c), and the other two follow in suit (see Dice's Yankees comment).
And Anil, did *you* iron your shirt, or did you have your people iron it? ;) The only time my shirts get ironed is if I bring them to the cleaners' down the street.
PS - Maybe I'll wear a striped shirt tomorrow as well, to try to rein in the bad rap striped shirts are starting to get.
Ouch! I love my striped shirts, untucked, slightly wrinkled an all, and believe me, while I may have at one time been in a franternity, I'm not a date rapist or a douchebag.
Well, at least not a date rapist...
Ok, how prevelent is this stripped shirt belief? I love my striped shirts, but never been in a fraternity. I never thought of my self as a other than a nice guy. I guess I may need to rethink what I wear presenting at Web Visions next week (the striped shirt did me well last year - at least I think it was striped).
[note to self: wear solid shirt next week when we may run into Anil, lest you invoke douchebagness]
You know, I haven't noticed that trend. I'm going to have to watch men more than I do, I suppose. (My husband wears mostly T-shirts, when he wears a 'shirt' it's always with a suit - no douchbagness going on.)
i should explain, i wear striped shirts regularly. it's not that it causes this behavior; it's that everyone who has this behavior *wears* one.
also, it's a particular kind of striped shirt, but i lack the fashion vocabulary to distinguish what kinds. anybody wanna help me out?
reminds me of an article I saw here last year.
"I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!
My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too! "
Replace 'striped shirt' with 'backwards white baseball cap' and the theorem still holds. That makes it science!
The key to the doucebag uniform is that the thin striped white shirt must be worn with pressed khakis. Unfortunately, this is also the VC uniform. Go to a conference some day and look at the VCs. They're the one is thin striped white shirts and khakis. In protest I have stopped wearing khakis altogether.
"Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some pussy tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!"
Wait, Miz already found it. Damn.
Let's face it, men's clothing options are so limited -- and likewise most men's sense of personal style is so stunted and anemic -- that singling out striped shirt wearers as douchebags is as statistically accurate as saying all Gemeni's are flakes.
Definitely. It's the "I know I can't look like my normal slobbish self, and therefore I am going to expend the least amount of effort, creativity, and imagination in dressing myself to go out" look.
Here's a WSJ article on the look.
Who here is getting sick of this trend? Whenever I walk past a yuppie bar, this all see men wearing. You can't even tell them apart the way that they're dressed! These people probably don't know $hit about fashion, and then their Trixie girlfriends buy them this combination and they think they're all of that. Seriously, I saw this trend in a 2001 magazine. How about a little more originality in fashion?
You gotta describe the shirt better. Go here and point at what you mean by striped shirts.
Personally, I don't trust guys that wear the colored shirt with white collar and cuffs.
Untucked striped shirt: check
Fitted cap: check
Class ring: check
Thousand dollar sunglasses: check
Roofies: check
Let's go, fellas.
I'm gonna ignore that skinhead comment, but only because it's you.
crap. as if I didn't have enough to worry about.
I don't know, maybe it's just me, but everything that has been happening with the male wardrobe these days is what I was doing 20 years ago, in the 80s. Crappy jeans, untucked striped shirts, Vans shoes. People think I'm all into the today style when I wear this stuff now. It's not that. It's that I never stopped wearing it! Punk ass youngsters messing up my take-it-easy vibe.
Anil! Pick some of these up to work with your striped shirt!
Wow. I thought they outlawed those a few years back...
And Anil, you're missing out - I'm rockin' the un-ironed, un-tucked yellow/black/white striped shirt here at the office... I don't *feel* like a douche...
24 comments and no-one points out that you are, in fact, a douchebag? weak.
Easy on the brakes douchebag
Time to switch to the House look: un-tucked shirt, jacket, jeans, cane, and a 'tude.
This is definitely true of the business douchebag, but the casual douchebag wears this, the pink polo with an upturned collar. Ugh, it makes me cringe. What's worse, this photo came from a blog called collarup.blogspot.com. My only solace comes from the fact that they aven't posted for nearly a year.
For a new look, it's clearly time for horizontal stripes. Whether you look like Hamburglar or Picasso is all in how you wear it, but you certainly won't get lumped in with the douchebags. At least for a year or so.
Seems I've been turning into a douchebag these days anyway, so while I was prepared to argue, you may just have something here. I'm gonna look out for the striped shirts, and the douchebags they're wrapped around.
anil wins most comments ever AGAIN. dammit.
oooh, that essay on phatfree is phenomenal.
and the spam at the bottom is comforting.