The next step in my transition to becoming a Tracy Morgan fanblog. The entire section on Oprah almost killed me.
Thanks to a nice reminder from Ginevra, and a motivational post by Ta-Nehisi Coates, I got around to gathering up some videos I've been meaning to share. Obviously, Barack Obama's made some fairly explicit references to Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come", so I should share a few pleasing renditions of the song with you.
From Glen Mullaly:
45 RPM Record Adapters, plastic and metal construction, 1950's - 1970's.
Top Row: Philco / Morse MFG. C, Fitchburg Mass. / No name ( Duotone type )/ Snap-It / No name
Second Row: No name ( Duotone type ) / Unknown German / No name ( Duotone type ) / No name ( Hutchison type ) / Fideltone
Third Row: Recotron / Webster / Airline / North American Philips (Norelco) / Audio Tool
Fourth Row : No name ( Duotone type ) / Automatic Plastics Company ( Canada ) / No name / No name ( Recotron type ) / No name
I am too lazy to liveblog, but I do love awards shows. Let's watch the AMAs together.
So far, we're opening up the top of the show with Xtina Aguilera overing a review of her greatest hits in front of a Winamp visualization that dates back to when "Genie in a Bottle" was still on the charts. I guess that's appropriate, since she's plugging a greatest hits compilation. Props for the series of costume changes during the medley, though. Inexplicably, I like her a lot better since she got married and had a kid.
Oh, it's Jimmy Kimmel! He's boring!
Jamie Foxx! I think every minute of every day he wishes it was still 2004. I wish that women liked Jamie as much as he's convinced they do. Or as much as he loves himself. But! It's best female artist in soul/R&B, a category where I love every nominee. Rihanna nabs it! I love her, though I am a little afraid of her because I think she towers over me.
Hoo boy. New Kids. Odds of this being depressing: Very high. I was hoping Ne-Yo would at least show up. But unfortunately, 1990 showed up instead.
T-Pain is insufferable, though he could have at least said something funny about Paris Hilton. Yawn, something something, Chris Brown.
Scott Weiland seems.... unwell. Ironically, introducing Pink's "Sober". I like Pink better since she got divorced and didn't have a kid.
Huh, even the commercial breaks are boring. They must be hurting because of piracy of CDs. And uh oh, Taylor Swift. Theoretically she should be the kind of crap I like, but instead I think she is just kind of whiny and unimpressive. Also, needs to get hair tips from Rihanna or at least Pink. Let's fast forward past Rascall Flats.
Ay yo, Ne-Yo! There's somebody I like. I like this put-together look for this album. And he's been studying the greats (well, mostly Michael) so he knows how to put together a tight show. Now there we go -- he's got the band with the live horns and flames and dancers and a valet with a mirror. If all anybody did was rip off The Time, awards shows would be much better off.
Kanye just won best Rap/Hip-Hop album. And he's wearing his Tanooki suit, with the racoon tail! Hooray. "Computers should be smaller and faster! I wanna be Elvis!" FUCK YES. Kanye finally stands up for the idea of aspiring to do better than people have done in the past. Progress is good.
Somebody needs to stop doing Billy Ray Cyrus' hair, especially his soul patch. You'd think after being mocked for half a decade for a mullet, he'd pick something a little more timeless. Maybe the day of her birthday is a good day to stop pimping your daughter!
Miley Cyrus does raise the question -- why is her material so much worse than Chris Brown's or Rihanna's? On the plus side, she has a backup dancer whose entire outfit is covered in the word "Blog"! Peter Merholz better be getting royalties. So that's great, but this "fly on the wall" song sucks, though I understand the word "blog" means "people who write gossip" to everyone in the entertainment industry.
Whiplashing between country and hip hop (i.e. the only non-pop genres which sell) is making this show even more disjointed and confusing than it might otherwise be to an old man like me. Brad Paisley with an inexplicable joke asserting the AMA trophy was made in China. I smell xenophobia!
OH SNAP THIS IS THE BEST AD EVER. Tom Cruise fights Hitler! Directed by that comic book movie guy! Someday Suri Cruise will fight Osama on film, and I only hope i live to see it.
Oh hey, it's Coldplay. That's the white band all the hip hop guys say they like. LOL, they pulled the biggest dick move of the night, forcing every other act to trudge through the confetti they launched to hype up their (fairly predictable) song. Take that, Elvis/Kanye! This Coldplay song is getting better, because the ending sounds like a disco song. They should do more of that.
Up next, best pop album. Which should neatly subsume the country/hip-hip dichotomy that has dominated the night thus far. Alicia Keys should win this. Really, she should win everything. The corpse of the Eagles was nominated, that's a nice inclusion of the deceased-American demographic. Aaaand my girl Alicia wins it! I already knew we were soulmates, but her iTunes celebrity playlist confirmed it. Hopefully she cuts her speech short so they have time to sweep up the confetti.
There's an advertisement of some sort where Jewel asserts her recently-appropriated country identity while KISSING A BUNNY. Way to embrace controversy! Oh hey, now we're talking to the Wu-Tang clan. I am comforted they don't know much about the Jonas Brothers. Someday a solo Jonas will have a remix produced by The Rza, and worlds will collide.
Terrence Howard is a bad, bad man. What is he going to say about Mariah Carey? I think he will bravely come out in favor of Mariah. Forces Nick Cannon to help her walk down the stairs! Great cameo by Mr. Carey. Commence with the finger-to-ear, followed by formless-waving-of-upraised-palm!
I guess it's nice Taylor Swift won an award. I don't have much to offer there.
Pop-Rock female! Hooray! Let's see which of my faves wins. Rihanna cleans up again -- now we know whose fans vote. Her and Chris Brown are clearly gunning for Beyonce and Jay-Z in the power couple standings. She seems bored in her acceptance speech.
Uh oh, HP did a "hands" ad with Fergie, the woman whose hands betray her past as a meth addict. Poor choice, my HP friends!
Aw, The Fray must be bummed out that Coldplay already staged their song like a Coldplay performance, since they're trying to rip off Coldplay's lighting design themselves. The Fray sounds like the kind of band that probably has a lot of folks who think "they're alright" and absolutely zero who think "I love that band!"
I didn't know Enrique Iglesias was still a going concern! Good for whomever is sustaining that effort. I'm torn by how shitty the worst male rappers are compared to the best male rappers. Like, the distance between Kanye and Flo Rida couldn't be greater. But fortunately, Kanye gets the trophy. Return of the Tanooki Suit and an appropriate nod to Lil' Wayne for dominating this year.
Oh, this text-messaging conceit is tired. Being a voting-based award, though, nobody can win this but the Jonas Brothers. And so they have. Endure a little bit of Kimmel, and then it's The Dream, whose album is actually fantastic.
ZOMG it's Beyonce! I am hopping up and down in my seat. I love this song, too. And I feel I have most of the choreography mastered. Good lighting/set design on this, and the Sasha Fierce half of the new record is awesome, too. This version of "Single Ladies" doesn't seem quite as hype as the one on SNL. Where's the all-girl band? Hopefully they will break it down and use those skate ramps on the side of the stage. Ah nice, they picked it up a little at the end. Next time, Beyonce should start by asking "How many of you ladies got what it takes to lock up a man like Jay-Z?" That's the right way to go with it.
Another requisite award for Alicia, and now it's time for the Jonas Brothers. Interestingly, they're not very autotuned, because they sound like their voices are changing mid-song, with puberty rudely interrupting each verse. I like their facsimile of rocking out. "The tempo is up, we're kicking, this must be the awesome part of the song!"
Oh, I forgot about the Pussycat Dolls. How did they get a prime spot after the Jonas Brothers? None of their recent stuff seems very interesting. Also, why isn't this considered a solo act for Nicole Sherzinger? How long until we have a "Diana Ross and the Supremes"-style branding crisis? Ironically, this song has a hook of "I hate this part right here" which isn't far from the truth. But fortunately, we're at the pole-dancing part of the evening. (If you're new to them, the Dolls use stripper poles to indicate how empowered they are!) One of the amateurish backup dancers was way too obvious with the fact that she couldn't get her vinyl overcoat off. I like this "you just might get it" When I Grow Up/Famous song a little bit better. Oh, hooray, dance remix part! Thank you for dropping the pretense of singing!
Presto: Commercial break.
Ooh! Justin Timberlake! My favorite! What kind of surprise is this? Why won't he sing? Aw, he's gonna present an award to Annie Lennox, who is also my favorite! I wish they'd sing together. Let's see more about how Annie Lennox is awesome. Unfortunately, many of her albums are older than the other acts onstage. Oh Annie's playing! Shut up everybody, I'm watching.
Phew. Annie absolutely ruins me. She's so, so great. Somebody who actually deserves the award got it!
We're back with Natasha Bedingford. This poor young woman is stuck, no matter how many other hits she has, as a one-hit wonder thanks to the extraordinary overplaying of "Unwritten". Has any song ever been quite this beaten to death for an artist who has virtually no other presence? I grieve for her doing this song as part of some retro medley in 25 years. And these dancers trying to hype up her uptempo singles are just making it all worse.
Rihanna's back. I'm not a fan of Rehab, a not-even-veiled retread of JT's "What Goes Around", but she's wearing an eyepatch! That's redeeming. Imagine the planning meeting: "For the AMAs, what do you think about standing on scaffolding and wearing an eyepatch and chain mail during 'Rehab'?" "YES!" This could be improved if JT makes a cameo. Now they're building up like the song is going somewhere, with flames and stuff, but it's kinda meh. WOuld have been better staging for "Disturbia", even if that song is played out.
Hrm. going to commercial, the voiceover dude threatened a Sarah McLachlan appearance. "Were you having fun? Excited? Because we've got the cure!" To make you feel old: You went to Lilith Fair about 11 years ago.
Motley Crue gets dragged out to hand something to Daughtry. I am not sure anybody noticed.
But hooray, Kanye! Do something great, man. He's onto Heartless. A little lost in the staging, but serviceable. And then the worst segue ever into Sarah McLachlan performing "Angel". Maybe Kanye will bum-rush her performance! Nope, harmony from Pink. Not quite the same thing. Prince has been covering this song in his live sets lately, albeit with one of his backup singers on vocals, so there's that. Also, this is one of the songs on the album that Monica Lewinsky gave to President Clinton during their hookups, so let's not forget that. "Angel" also was inspired by Kurt Cobain's suicide and is credited by DMC (of Run DMC) with preventing his suicide.
All that, just to distract you.
And, to close the show, after a brief confusing shot of Aerosmith handing an award to a befuddled Chris Brown, we've got Alicia Keys. She's in full mid-70s-Stevie-Wonder mode, running for president by stitching together Queen Latifah and Kathleen Battle. ("See, I'm hip hop and opera, together!") Janet used to do this kind of shit around and shortly after Rhythm Nation, even trotting out Battle for the same purpose, so it's nice to see These Kids Today trying the same stuff.
Is the song good? It's okay. Can it hold up to this much showboating? Probably not. But in all, a nice way to end the show, with the requisite lingering shot of our upcoming Hottest First Lady Ever.
And with that, the AMAs grind to a halt. Big ups to Ne-Yo, Kanye, Coldplay and Alicia for being the only interesting things this year.
I've been thinking a lot about language in this election, so I've rewatched this a bunch of times since yesterday and it is still hugely compelling. And pretty funny too.
I found it interesting that some of my friends finish Grand Theft Auto, and some of my friends do not.
This is as good as the time I saw James Brown sing "Who Let The Dogs Out?"! (Thanks to JT for the link.)
I regret to inform you all that all of my other obligations are now officially cancelled, and I will just be live-blogging proceedings from this video stream from now on.
